"YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE LOVED"
WRITTEN BY HANNAH CHISM
CHOSEN AND ACCEPTABLE AS IS
There is something profoundly important about knowing we are chosen and acceptable just as we are. But how many of us actually believe we are chosen and acceptable as we are? Imagine the strength our relationships and society would hold if we each held these beliefs? This would remove insecurity, jealousy, low self-esteem, arrogance, and so forth. Instead of constantly trying to prove ourselves as worthy, we would be able to relax into our relationships and trust that we are loved and sufficient just as we are. If we hold the belief that we are chosen, then our relationships are healthy, secure and lasting.
Some fortunate individuals in our society carry themselves and conduct their affairs with this knowledge and core belief. Others, struggle to believe they are chosen and acceptable just as they are. For many, this likely started at an early age based on the type of parenting one received, circumstances within one’s childhood home, peer relationships, or otherwise. For some, it may have arisen later in life from a ruptured relationship. Either explicitly or implicitly, a message was internalized by these individuals that they are insufficient, unworthy to be loved, and unacceptable as they are. This message unfortunately took root in their hearts and colors/taints/overshadows every relationship, interaction, accomplishment, failure, decision, and so forth in their life; rendering them incapable of truly relaxing and settling into relationships and life. In therapy, we call this message a “cognitive distortion” or “distorted belief.” To learn more about this concept, click on this LINK.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE CHOSEN?
If you have even one person in your life, then you are chosen. This means we are not alone. It means that someone sees us, knows us, and chooses us. While this may all be the reality, many of us struggle to walk confidently in it; yet it is something that we should each strive towards believing as our lives will be that much richer and fuller. If we walk with the belief that we are indeed chosen, then our capacity to love others expands; thus, enabling us to give of ourselves more freely and authentically engage in life.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE ACCEPTABLE AS WE ALREADY ARE?
It means that you are just who you need to be, exactly as you are in this moment. Yes, you are likely flawed and imperfect – just as we all are! But you are still acceptable as you are in spite of your shortcomings. Holding the belief that we are acceptable as we are also entails accepting our shortcomings! Being acceptable as we are, does not negate our striving for growth as individuals.
There is no other mold for you to fit, as you are a unique individual with a unique background, personality, and set of values and beliefs. This means that a certain body weight, title, connection, size home, etc. will not make you any more acceptable. Yes, it may change your ‘status,’ and mask parts of yourself that you are ashamed of, but it does not truly change your core. Believing that we are acceptable just as we are right now, enables us to love others more fully and live a more congruent life.
You are chosen and acceptable as you are. You are loved. This is the take-home message for today. Period. From the children’s book Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You written by Nancy Tillman, “You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.” Let those words sink into your heart today. Meditate on them when you are feeling otherwise. See how it transforms your perspective of self and others.
THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS…
They can be changed! You are not stuck with faulty beliefs/lies/cognitive distortions (whichever language rings most true for you) forever. Whatever negative messages you may have internalized up to this point in your life, can be altered! If this is something you battle, I highly recommend finding a therapist you trust who can walk through this life-altering process. For some, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) may be sufficient. For others, who have deeply rooted negative beliefs, perhaps due to trauma or attachment wounds, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) or Ego State Therapy may be more appropriate. While I incorporate each of these types of modalities into my approach with clients and would be honored to work with you, I encourage you to find the right therapist for you, which may or may not be me! I am happy to discuss these concepts with you further through a free CONSULTATION!
Staff, GoodTherapy. “20 Cognitive Distortions and How They Affect Your Life.” GoodTherapy.org Therapy Blog, 11 July 2019, www.goodtherapy.org/blog/20-cognitive-distortions-and-how-they-affect-your-life-0407154.
*Tillman, Nancy. Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You. Feiwel and Friends, 2010.